


You Love Me?

by ThereSoCute



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Anxiety, Confused Park Chanyeol, Depression, EXO - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Romantic Fluff, Sexual Content, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2018-10-23 08:29:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10715856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThereSoCute/pseuds/ThereSoCute
Summary: They would never be able to understand him.They could only sympathize with him.Chanyeol didn’t mind; he’ll accept anything at this point.Chanyeol wouldn’t wish these feelings on anyone.Or where I suck at writing summaries but, Chanyeol maybe likes Yixing (in a not so platonic way), and Yixing maybe likes Chanyeol (in a not so plantonic way).*It’s a shame how much I edit*





	1. Being Self Aware

 

 That's the first step, right? you become aware of the problem. Then, you just gotta hit it head-on, confront the problem, and you'll be fine. Chanyeol tried that technique and realized that he wasn't as strong as he thought he was, and the problem ended up pushing back really hard.

Today's been a peaceful day for Chanyeol, the first time in a long time. No waking up early, no practicing, and no concerts. He knew this little break of their's wouldn't last forever it only being for the weekend. A while back Suho begged for their schedule to be arranged, so EXO could have a weekend off. So Chanyeol decided to sleep in today, usually on Friday's they'd have a full packed schedule. 

Chanyeol wakes up to someone knocking on his bedroom door.

"Hey, Chanyeol are you up yet.”

 It's Suho. He looked at the time it's 1:30 pm. Wow, he really slept in late. Suho opens the door and peeks his head in.

"Hey, yeah come in.”

Suho opens the door wider and enters with a tray of food in his hands. God Chanyeol loves Suho he always takes care of the members so well, it's like having a mom right by your side and dad occasionally when he doesn't want to be so nurturing.

He walks in with a smile on his face and sits on the bed.

"So what do you think.” he says.

Chanyeol looks down at the plate that contained breakfast food's.

"This looks good, but it's way past breakfast.”

"Yeah I know but the rest have just wakened up to, and everyone wanted breakfast food so this is courtesy of Kyungsoo.”

Chanyeol lets out a laugh."Okay well thank you.”

Suho stays there seated quietly as Chanyeol begins to eat. Chanyeol finally looks up when he feels his stare.

"Uh, Suho is there something else you wanted to talk about.”

Suho starts to laugh nervously. "What no I just wanted to spend a little time with you is all.”

"Suho you just did your nervous laugh I know there's something wrong.”

His face turns to worry. "I well, I'm worried about you Chanyeol”.

Chanyeol set's the tray of food aside. "Why are you worried about me Hyung I'm fine.”

"You just seem a little bit off recently Chanyeol, and with all of the concerts and practicing and interviews I know you're really stressed out. Remember the interview we had on 'Star Show 360' you didn't even talk to us much after that. We weren't even aware that things had been bothering you before.”

 "Hyung we discussed everything on the show.”

He still looks like he doesn't believe him. Suho puts his hand on Chanyeol's cheek and starts to caress him with gentle eyes. The gesture causes Chanyeol to start blushing.

"Chanyeol I don't know what's going on with you, but I want you to know that if you ever need to talk about what's really going on here please do. You won't be bothering me.”

He drops his hand from his cheek and Chanyeol feel's like he can breathe again. Suho gets up to leave.

Damn it Suho why do you always have to worry, I have this under control. Okay even if he didn't he doesn't need Suho or the others to be worried about him. This is just basic stress that any other idol would be going through he might just be dealing with it differently but Chanyeol's fine it's not like he's depressed or anything.

* * *

 


	2. Pros vs Cons

 

 

Pros vs Cons that's how Chanyeol tried to look at things. Here he is in one of the world's biggest boy groups, EXO. Don't get him wrong Chanyeol is happy with all the support EXO gets from their very passionate and loyal fans, Chanyeol has never felt so supported before in his life. But even through all the success the negative things still find ways to creep somewhere in his mind. Cons with being in a 9 member group. He couldn't help but feel useless sometimes, and Chanyeol always felt like he wasn't giving things his all. He could do so much more, he could do better he wanted to show his members that.

They're back on schedule now, and It's been almost two weeks since Suho and him had the talk. Suho hasn't even mentioned it and he's been acting kinda strange around Chanyeol lately, it's like he's monitoring him now. Suho keeps a close eye on him and every time Chanyeol catches him he just smiles at Chanyeol and says "Chanyeol you've done well today, I'm proud of you." He doesn't understand why Suho treats him this way Chanyeol's not a kid he doesn't need Suho to watch him like this or for Suho to pity him. But he didn't want to discuss this right now with him, and he could admit that he's been isolating himself from them a lot lately but Suho's the only one to notice so it's really not a big deal.

After dance practice, they were free to do whatever they wanted and for some of them, that means rest. But instead of resting, Chanyeol went straight to the studio, that's the only place that he truly felt comfortable. He's in deep thought when someone enters's the studio.

he finally looks up when he hears a gentle voice; the voice belonging to Yixing. 

“Hey, what are you doing?” 

"Um, nothing much just trying to think of ideas for a song for the next album.”

"Oh okay how is it coming along.”

"Well, I don't really have anything I've just been experimenting with sounds.”

"It's okay Chanyeol we have a long time before the next album comes out we'll figure it out.”

"Yeah, I guess your right.” 

Chanyeol gives him a small smile , but stops because when he notices that  Yixing is now wearing a very worried kind of look. it's like he knew what was going to come out of Yixing’s  mouth next.

"Hey, Chanyeol can we talk?”

"Isn't that what we're doing right now.”

"No Chanyeol I'm being serious.”

"Okay, Xing what do you want to talk about.”

"I've noticed recently that you've been isolating yourself from us, I don't understand why, did we do something to upset you?"

Well damn, I guess someone did notice, but this is not what Chanyeol wanted.

"I, Xing  I'm fine I've just been dealing with certain things and don't worry it's not your fault or the others.”

"Chanyeol I'm not worried about being at fault I'm worried about you why don't you communicate more with us or at least one of us.”

"I do, I speak with Suho Hyung all the time.”

Well Chanyeol kinda lied about the all the time thing, but it's true he'd spoken with him.

"Chanyeol I've talked to Suho and he said you haven't told him anything.” 

"Okay, why are you guys discussing me like I'm a child. Xing I really don't want to talk about this anymore.”

Yixing sighs "Chanyeol I love you, we all love and care about you. That's how we feel about each other period we're supposed to talk to each other were supposed to comfort each other we only have each other right now.”

 He leans over and touches Chanyeol's cheek. Chanyeol has to mentally give himself a ‘Control Yourself’ pep talk. 

 Chanyeol felt that they've all became closer over the years but they still have never touched each other like this unless it was in a teasing manner.

"Chanyeol I don't think you understand how heartbreaking it is to see you change like this, you're the most fun to be around your always smiling and being the happy virus. I don't see you smile anymore I love your smile Chanyeol.”

 That's when Chanyeol feels like this is all too much, he turns his attention to his lap and his eyes start to tear up. He didn't realize how much he was yearning to hear something like that, a praise. Chanyeol doesn't think that's the reaction Yixing wanted from him though, Chanyeol was supposed to smile and then everything would be fine but now he's just making things worse. Yixing lifts Chanyeol's head up and wipes the tears away with his thumb as they fall down Chanyeol's cheeks, Yixing frown's "shh Chanyeol it's okay, please don't be sad. Then he switches to pampering his face with light kisses telling him that things were going to be okay.

Well this type of affection feels new, especially receiving it from Yixing , Yixing has always been the affectionate type but Chanyeol has never put Yixing in a situation like this. Then Yixing does something that will forever change their friendship, their relationship forever. Yixing kisses him on the lips because that's the best thing he can think of to comfort Chanyeol.Chanyeol's pretty sure he just died and went to heaven because things like this just don't happen, especially to him. Everything feels like it's going in slow motion.  Chanyeol didn't close his eyes because he's too in shock to do this correctly so he probably looks like a madman.Somewhere in between being in shock and loving every second of this, he's still able to admit that Yixing is beautiful especially up close. Then it stops, in reality, it stopped as soon as it started.

Yixing backs away from him still caressing his cheek and just smiles like he's satisfied, showing off his dimple. Chanyeol doesn't know if Yixing  is on something or just high on life but he want's in on it because Yixing is way  to chill about this. Because Chanyeol's mentally freaking out and also highly confused. Yixing stops smiling like he just realized he just made a huge mistake, maybe it's Chanyeol's fault for not reacting soon enough. "Sorry, I think I'm going to leave.” Chanyeol watches him as he gets up and walks out the door .

Or maybe that this was a mistake for Yixing. It was just a matter of time that this would happen right? They're around each other 24/7 he's not very surprised that feelings have developed. But Chanyeol couldn't speak for the others he could only speak for himself and right now he's really confused .


	3. What's Going On?

 

 

It was now October and Chanyeol hasn't had time to breathe, with their ongoing busy schedule. But somehow he couldn't help but feel like he hasn't been productive this year. It's been weeks since him and Lay have really talked. Which is really surprising because Lay is way more of a communicator than Chanyeol. But he understood also that Lay has had a busy schedule, a schedule that didn't include talking to him. They finalized the Winter Album finally and Chanyeol felt relieved now.

Could someone please explain why they were practicing for the Mama Awards so early. Everyone's schedule has been jammed packed with press conference's for shows and movies. They have EXO-CBX that's about to release. And not only have they been practicing for other shows now they've added the Mama Awards and yep Chanyeol's stressed now. He must say Suho has kept it together nicely because if Chanyeol was leading himself and 8 other people he would've quit already.

"I just want to say that I'm really proud of all of you. Everyone's been working so hard and I know that some of you have solo projects. That is what makes me even more proud your ability to perform so well when we're all together like this, please go rest now.”

Chanyeol stay's seated on the ground while the others leave the practice room. He's contemplating if he really want's to talk to Suho right now about everything, he then decide's against it because he can't add more stress to Suho right now. He finally decide's to get up and walk towards the door until Suho stops him.

"Chanyeol can I talk to you for a little bit.”

Suho sits down in the middle of the practice floor, and wow Chanyeol's never seen him look so worried, he pray's he's not the cause of Suho's worried face. He sit's down in front of Suho. Suho lets out a deep sigh.

"Chanyeol what do you want, what will make you happy.”

Wow, that was unexpected, Suho has never asked Chanyeol this before, no one has asked him this in years, well besides his mom when she's really worried about him.

"Hyung why are you asking me this.”

"Chanyeol I've been keeping a close eye on you for the past month now. Which sounds bizarre now that I think about it, but it's only because I'm really concerned about you. I've known you for years, I know when something's bothering you. I said that I would give you time, space to figure things out for yourself. It's been almost a month since we've seriously talked and your still as sad as the last time we talked.”

"I don't understand what you want me to say Suho.”

"Chanyeol why haven't you and Lay spoken to each other. I mean I know he's been busy but every time he is around you guys barely speak to each other, you usually end up going to your room.”

Chanyeol thinks for a second is it really his place to tell what happened between Lay and him. Well, he trust's Suho, and he's pretty sure Lay would never tell him.

"Yixing and I ... Yixing and I kissed.” Suho's face has confusion written all over it.

"Why did you guys kiss?”

"I don't know we were just talking and one thing led to another and then he kissed me, and I didn't stop him so there's that. Now he doesn't talk to me so I'm pretty sure he just regrets it.” 

Suho just sits there like he's thinking really hard about something.

"Chanyeol are you gay.”

"No, Suho it was just something that happened!”

Chanyeol probably answered too quickly but if he took to long to answer Suho would know for sure.

"Lay will be home tonight can you two talk, Chanyeol it's important that you guys discuss what happened.”

"Okay".

Suho rises from the floor.

"Chanyeol I'm not upset with you or anything and I'm really happy that you talked to me so honestly. I just think you and Lay should really talk, you guys work together and you can't continue to not interact with each other people will start to notice.”


	4. The Talk

 

*Next Day*

  
Okay so Chanyeol feel's terrible, he didn't talk to Lay like he promised Suho he would. But Chanyeol swear's he will today or maybe tomorrow or just maybe never who knows. He wakes up to a noise coming from the kitchen, and like seriously who's up at this time it's 3:00 am all the guys are usually sleeping. Chanyeol make's his way to the kitchen quietly, to find Lay rummaging through the fridge. 

"Lay what are you doing.”

Lay jumps and turns around when he hears Chanyeol's voice.

"Oh my god Chanyeol you scared me, I didn't know you were up.”

"Well I wasn't really but I heard someone in here so I came to investigate.”

Chanyeol walk's to the kitchen table to sit down.

"Oh, I'm sorry for being loud.”

Lay goes back to looking in the fridge, well here's my chance isn't it Chanyeol thinks, to talk to Lay about everything.

"Lay can we talk for a sec.”

Lay stops his movements, "Yeah sure". He sits down hesitantly.

Lay is usually so mature with any situation that comes his way. Chanyeol has never seen him avoid things like this specially when it's dealing with relationships within the group. Chanyeol honestly doesn't even know where to start and he wished that Lay would take control of this conversation.

"Chanyeol I just want to apologize for avoiding you recently, me being older then you It was really immature of me to act this way.”

Chanyeol thinks for a second.

"Well the avoiding thing is understandable, but for weeks Lay I tried to talk to you or at least initiate a little small talk. I finally gave up until Suho spoke with me yesterday about it. Others are starting to notice you know.”

Lay starts to look guilty.

"I know I'm sorry I just needed time to think about things, how I feel about you.”

Finally he said it, they've been dragging this out for way too long let's get to the part on why they're really here.

"You kissed me Lay and you never said why.”

"I, I don't know, I've had a lot of time to think about this. But I still don't have a really clear answer. It just felt like a natural thing to do.We've been with each other for years now but I didn't really know how to comfort you, I've never seen you this sad before until recently. I know that's still not addressing my feelings for what happened or for you. I just know that I love you Chanyeol , I wouldn't exactly say romantically because I can't deny that if it would've been another member that I wouldn't have done the same thing.”

In the nicest way that Zhang Yixing can be, he's pretty much saying that it meant nothing to him and he would've probably done it with another member ahh nice to know.

Chanyeol gives a forced smile.

"Well now that we got that cleared I think I'll just leave and let you get back to finding something to eat.”

 Oh here we go again with Chanyeol pretending like he's not bothered by any of this. Lay reaches across the table and places his hand over Chanyeol's. Lay's really not helping Chanyeol right now.

”I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you".

"I'm not upset and even if I was who cares , I would never be upset with you voicing how you honestly feel.”

Did you see that that was a huge lie right there folks. Well not really Chanyeol's telling the truth about not being upset with Lay.Chanyeol is honestly upset with himself how could he let himself get like this to the point that others are really starting to notice. He's putting everyone in uncomfortable situations where they feel the need to comfort him. Why would he care about Lay or any of the others feel about him. Chanyeol's not gay and none of them should be having feelings for each other anyways.

Chanyeol slides his hand away from underneath Lay's and start's to get up.

"I'm sorry that this has happened Lay, that I've put you in such an uncomfortable situation. I promise it won't happen again.”

" Chanyeol wait.”

Chanyeol continues to walk, he continue's to walk because if he didn't he would've cried Chanyeol wouldn't have even known why he was crying. Maybe because of the feeling like he just got rejected or maybe because he's really confused about everything or because he feel's bad for everything. Who knows, but Chanyeol really felt the need to talk to someone else in the group about this which sounds like a bad idea because he's not sure he want's to even involve the other group members. But he needed someone that would give them their honest opinion about this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you may see me talk about past events that happened like last year lol . That's because I started writing this back in january lol when everything from last year was still fresh. I'm now just uploading this on here. :)


	5. Confession

 

"At this rate Chanyeol you're going to ruin everything.”

Okay, this is not what Chanyeol meant when he said he needed to talk to someone that'll give him their honest opinion. Well what more could you expect from Kyungsoo.

"Just because Lay said that doesn't mean he actually feels that way. He could possibly like you a lot, or maybe he was telling the truth. I think you should just leave it alone for some days or at least until he comes talk to you first.”

"Who said I wanted to talk to him about it. I'm not interested anyways because that would mean I like him, and that would mean I like men ,and I don't like men D.O!" 

"You're so gay it's hurting my head.”

"I'm not gay don't say that.”

 "Okay, so what you're bisexual.”

"No I've just been around you guys for too many years and I've developed feelings.”

"So is it just Lay.”

"What do you mean is it just Lay , I don't like anyone I love everyone equally.”

"What's that suppose to mean.”

"Ugh, Kyungsoo stop asking me so many questions it's making my head hurt.”

D.O and Chanyeol have been in his room talking for about 45 minutes now , and have accomplished nothing but headaches and accusations. Chanyeol doesn't really know why he thought this was a good idea to tell D.O this. He's just happy  they're the only ones in the dorm right now. The others went to some smoothie shop and EXO had to be at the dance studio in a little bit.

"Chanyeol you really need to think long and hard about what you want ,and who you are as a person ,because you're not going to accomplish anything if you're not going to be honest with yourself. Could you at least admit one thing.”

Chanyeol sat there in silence because honestly what did D.O want him to say.

"I like Lay a lot , and I don't know how to stop these feelings.” 

Oh my god did he just say that out loud. Chanyeol just wanted his bed to open up right now and swallow him whole.

"Well yeah that's a start but I think you should tell Lay that yourself.”

"Lay has made it pretty clear on how he feels about me.”

"Well don't worry about it until he talks to you first. Just pretend like it didn't even happen.Treat him like you usually would he'll come around.”

Ahh, this is too much to process. Chanyeol feel's like he's only caused more problems for himself. This started out as him being stressed, and unhappy now Chanyeol's having to admit that he has feelings for one of his group members. This is not the type of stuff he would want in the spotlight and it's starting to become bigger than Chanyeol intended it to. He didn't want anyone to know about this he just wanted to keep to himself and figure it out on his own.

"Well, we need to meet the others at the practice room in a little bit.”

"Oh um okay well I'm ready let's go.”

  
*Practice*

  
"What has gotten into to you guys, let's do it again play the music.”  Their choreographer was definitely not happy with them today. They've been practicing since 12 pm and now it's 7 pm and Chanyeol feels's like death. "Stop, Chanyeol what's going on with you, your not on beat and you keep bumping into people. Let's just stop for today, but I expect everyone to have it together tomorrow ". Suho's the first to walk over to him with a concerned and frustrated look on his face.

"Chanyeol what's going on with you I've never seen you make so many mistakes before.”

”I'm just tired and it's been a long day.”

"Okay well, could you please try to do better tomorrow".

"Suho the awards are like next month it's only November I'm sure I'll have it together by December so could you stop nagging me".

He looks at Chanyeol with disappointment on his face. "Chanyeol I don't know what's gotten into you but I’m-

"Are you about to say your disappointed? Well it wouldn't be the first time someone became disappointed in me so join the club Suho.”

Suho walks away shaking his head. Chanyeol sit's down on the floor while the others leave giving Chanyeol confused and annoyed looks as they walk by. D.O gives him a pat on the back and say's "Don't worry it'll work itself out.”

Chanyeol lay's down on his back and lets out a deep breath. Finally, everything was silent and less suffocating. "I hope you're not acting like this because of me.”

Chanyeol looks up to see where the voice was coming from, it was Lay standing by the entrance. Chanyeol put's his head back down and closes his eyes he couldn't look at Lay right now.

"I thought you left with everyone else.”

”Well, I was going to but I decided to talk to you instead.”

"Well, what do you want?”

"You never answered my question.”

his voice sounds closer than before. Chanyeol open's his eyes to find Lay sitting beside him.

"What question.”

Lay frowns

"Are you acting like this because of me, were you messing up today because of me.”

Chanyeol thinks's for a second, well he's been going through a lot recently and wouldn't want to fully blame it all on Lay.

“Lay not everything's about you I've been dealing with things outside of you

Lie.

”Plus I would never want to let my personal life interfere with EXO".

Okay, so maybe most of his problems recently have been revolving around Yixing. Honestly he's the only person he can think about. And being around him doesn't make it any better.

"You're not being truthful are you.”

Chanyeol look's up at him, how could Lay look at him with such concern but avoid Chanyeol all day, he can’t just can't pick and choose when he wanted to notice Chanyeo.

"Don't look at me like that.”

What, what do you mean?”

”Lay don't look at me like you're actually concerned, don't look at me all clueless like you haven't been avoiding me,  like you didn't pretty much tell me "Chanyeol I don't like you. You're, not the one that's hurt or confused so just stop giving me that look".

Lay leans down towards Chanyeol until their noses touch.

"Don't do this.”

"Why?”.

"Because I don't want you to do something you'll regret later.”

Lay leans away from him.

"Ugh, Chanyeol I didn't regret what I did. I just needed time to think about things and I'll admit that I didn't deal with it the best way. Avoiding you was very selfish of me and I can't tell you how sorry I am. I'm terrified Chanyeol , But even though I'm scared I won't leave you. I love you and I want to try this out with you just please give me a chance.”

"Did you just say you love me.”

"I'm glad that's the only thing you heard.”

"I heard everything you just said but Lay we work together that's a lot to think about. If things don't go right between us it want only affect us but also the rest of the group members.”

"Chanyeol could you please not be so negative right now, I thought you'd be happy to know that I'm in love with you". "I don't want to influence your feelings Lay and I don't want you to feel bad for me. I want you to be saying this stuff because this is how you feel.”

Lay leans back in and kisses Chanyeol and just how everything about Lay is gentle and soft so is his lips. Chanyeol could live off Lay's kisses and his gentle touch.

"I love you Chanyeol, I love you soo much if you just give me a chance I'll show you.”

Chanyeol think's for a second and finally, say's "Okay". He said it so nonchalantly he surprised himself.

"Really?”

"Yeah let's give it a try.”


	6. Giving It A Try

 

Giving it a try, is always a nice way to go unless it's drugs that you're giving a try then that's bad kids don't do drugs. Lay and Chanyeol didn't think this through very well. Chanyeol doesn't even really know what their relationship is. Also, how were they suppose to act around the others they obviously can't act like their dating because then they'd have to have the big talk that Chanyeol was just not ready for, and not looking forward to. But he definitely needed to talk to Lay about this.

Chanyeol walk's into the studio to see Lay and Suho talking. They turn around as soon as they hear the door open. "Oh hey, Chanyeol do you need something"."Uh yeah, I need to talk to you about something". Lay catches on as soon he said it. Suho looks between them, "Well Lay and I were done talking so you can sit here Chanyeol. Suho gets up to leave and gives Chanyeol a small smile and a pat on the shoulder. Chanyeol sit's down as soon as the door shuts. "So what did you want to talk about Chanyeol". "Well, we never discussed what we're really doing here and how we're supposed to be acting around the others". "We obviously can't tell the others Chanyeol so we just act how we usually would act around each other".

For some reason, Chanyeol became disappointed in Lay's answer, which he doesn't know why because Chanyeol said the exact same thing in his head earlier. Lay leans over and puts his hands beside Chanyeol thighs, Chanyeol felt trapped. "I didn't mean to sound harsh babe, I just didn't think you were ready to tell the others about us so early in the relationship" he said, God Chanyeol really wish that Lay would back up with his intense stare Chanyeol start's to blush. Wait did he just call him babe? his eyes widen "Did you just call me babe". Lay's face goes to a worried expression and he backs away a little. "Um yeah, sorry do you not want me to call you that". "Oh no, I don't care I was just surprised ". Chanyeol pulls Lay back closer and kisses him. Chanyeol didn't realize until now that he really he needed to communicate how he feels more.  Because Lay worries,Lay over thinks sometimes and Chanyeol would probably have to reassure him a lot that this is what he want's, that he want's to be with him.

Lay presses his lips against Chanyeol's with so much force.The way Lay kissed him made him feel so important ,loved and wanted, Lay wanted Chanyeol. Lay casually grabs the back of Chanyeol's neck , and Chanyeol starts to mentally freak out . This is what Chanyeol just isn't prepared for, he doesn't know how to react in situations like this and probably should've never initiated an action like this, kissing. He doesn't kiss people , he’s never kissed anyone before like this. Lay loosens his grip on Chanyeol's neck and pulls's back to look at Chanyeol ."Chanyeol I can feel you worrying about something in your head. Just relax for one second and enjoy this with me. Chanyeol sighs, "I'm sorry I was enjoying this, it's just we didn't talk about this". "Talk about what Chanyeol?". "You know the physical affection I guess you would say". "Well if you're talking about what I think your talking about, which is sex right ?" Chanyeol's face went red and his heart stopped at the word 'sex' ! it was a forbidden word that one must not talk about. It was like on the same lines as 'dating' another action that felt forbidden especially in the spotlight they were in.

 "Chanyeol could you please look at me." Chanyeol didn't even realize he was looking down, he lifts his head quickly to look at Lay. Lays eyes were always so sincere no matter what came out of his mouth his eyes always looked that way. "Chanyeol please don't worry about that,I love you and I would never make you do something you weren't comfortable with doing ". Yeah I know I'm sorry for ruining the moment, I'll probably be doing that a lot so I'll apologize for future ruining". Lay smiles, "It's okay babe, I understand the worry but I don't want you to worry when you're around me, we've known each other for years now. You know me very well so this relationship should be a little easier. I want you to act the same around me I want you to be yourself. You were one of my best friends before lover so don't change". This relationship doesn't have to be more complicated than it already is Chanyeol thought so he definitely needed to stop worrying so much. "Oh, by the way, Suho and D.O kinda know what's going on between us ". Lay's eyes widen.  “I thought you you didn't want anyone to know right now". "Well this was before we established our relationship plus Suho worries too much about me, and with D.O I was kinda on a ranting spree" ."Okay is there anything else you'd like to tell me". "Um, I love you ". Lay smiles "I love you too Chanyeol".

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this sucked , sorry !


	7. Lose Control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> give me a month and this is the crap I come up with. :) I'm just gonna apologize ahead of time .

Today, EXO's winter album will finally be released. That's something else that can be erased from Chanyeol's list of worries. The concert tonight drained all the energy he had, and his ears are still ringing from the screaming and loud music. He wants nothing more than to sleep, something so foreign to him but not unwanted. 

It's 2 am when Chanyeol has finally laid down and hears his door open someone whisper's his name.

"Chanyeol, Chanyeol are you awake?”

Chanyeol groans.

"No, I'm not awake.”

He sit's up to see who's interrupting his sleep right now. It’s Yixing, of course it's Yixing. Although, Chanyeol want’s to be very annoyed with him right now; he can't. Because Yixing looks beautiful. Yixing is really beautiful, and this is obvious this is something Chanyeol already knew ,but Yixing is also half naked ,and this new view of Yixing is causing Chanyeol to have inappropriate thoughts. This also makes Chanyeol want to crawl under his blanket, but instead he just groans and rolls over facing the opposite direction of Yixing. He decided that he just can't look at Yixing right now.

Yixing shuts the door and quietly wonders toward Chanyeol on the bed sitting right beside him. "Was that a good groan or was that a, "get out of my room it's 2 o'clock in the morning groan.”

Chanyeol can hear the teasing in Yixing's voice. "Why are you half naked?”

Well that's not what he really wanted to say, he meant to ask him why he decided to visit him so late at night. 

"I always sleep half naked Chanyeol, this is nothing new I've been doing this for years, I missed you by the way.”

He missed him? they've seen each other all day. Not really though they didn't really have time to interact at practice, and on stage.

 "Chanyeol babe could you please look at me."

Chanyeol turns his head at the name.

"Babe" was this going to be his weakness among everything else that Yixing say's to him! Chanyeol has never been one for endearments he absolutely hated it when couples used them but when Yixing spoke everything felt okay. Yixing smiles and pats his own lap. Chanyeol looks at him in disbelief he cannot be insinuating what Chanyeol thinks he's insinuating!

"Your joking right?”

"Yixing I'm like 3 times your size, absolutely not going to happen."

”Chanyeol don't be so dramatic your just a little taller than me, what does that have to do with anything I'm not small your not going to crush me.”

Why does Yixing do this to him? Finally fed up Yixing pulls Chanyeol onto his lap, forcing Chanyeol to wrap his long legs around his waist. Lay's hands grip onto Chanyeol's hips and yeah Chanyeol is definitely not escaping this.  

"Put your arms around my neck.”

Chanyeol lets out a shy "Okay".  

When did he become like this? Chanyeol has a loud personality, never shy.

Yixing quickly leans in capturing Chanyeol's lips with his own. Pulling Chanyeol's body close against his own. Chanyeol had not made a sound, he was shocked and afraid that he'd ruin the moment. Shocked because when has Yixing ever been dominate. Well then again every interaction they had was because of Yixing, Yixing kissed him, Yixing comforted him, and currently Yixing had Chanyeol trembling in his Lap. Which should have felt weird considering Chanyeol's size. But Yixing made Chanyeol feel small. He felt overwhelmed, Chanyeol had never experienced intimacy like this with anyone.  

Yixing grinds his hips up against him, and Chanyeol was having a hard time deciding if this just took a turn the for the worst or best. Well if he wasn't hard before he surely is now.

“Xing.”

Chanyeol whispered against his lips ,and lay leans a little away from him to get a better view of Chanyeol’s blushing face.

“Is this okay?”

Chanyeol nods his head. It was so natural for Chanyeol to grind his hips down against Yixing’s pulling him closer to himself, moaning. Chanyeol stops the movement of hips immediately, and brings his hand up to cover his mouth, embarrassed and surprised by the sound that just came out of him, he mumbles a

“Sorry.”

Yixing smiles removing Chanyeol's hand from covering his mouth.

"I want to hear you, sweetie, why are you apologizing?”

Fuck why was Yixing like this Chanyeol didn't deserve someone like Yixing, Yixing was perfect in every way, and Chanyeol was tall , dramatic, a clumsy mess. 

"Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol was so lost in his thoughts he forgot about what they were in the middle of doing.

“Chanyeol baby I need you to understand that I don't want to be anywhere else but here right now with you so whatever your thinking right now please stop.”

Yixing lean's forward and kisses him sweetly. Their foreheads laying against each other.

“Yixing.”

“Yes?”

"I want you.”

Lay lean's back ,and smirks.

"But you already have me.”

Chanyeol whimper's because Yixing was a beautiful tease. Chanyeol continued to roll his hips down against Yixing’s own.

"I need you".

Yixing moaned. Oh now we’re getting somewhere.

“Care to clarify? you have to tell me baby or I won't know."

Wasn't it clear what Chanyeol needed? This was pure torture it was disgusting how needy and hard he was right now. Why was Yixing so calm. Fuck it Chanyeol has reached his breaking point.

“Lay I want you to fuck me.”

"Oh Chanyeol I don't think that's a good idea.”

“Why not?”

Is he really whining right now? Yes, yes he is. Does Yixing not want Chanyeol in that way. Immediately thinking this he has to ask.

"Do you not want me in that way?"

Lowering his head not being able to make eye contact with Yixing anymore because this was embarrassing.

"Oh Chanyeol baby please don't think that of course I want you, but you're really tired right now. I want you to be sure that this is what you want.”

Ugh why was Yixing like this, Chanyeol was definitely in the right mind state to make decisions like this. Well, he was definitely going off of his built up sexual frustration. Chanyeol's needs have not been met ever. They've been ignored, and Chanyeol was fine with that he's good at ignoring his feelings his sexual needs have never been a problem until he started viewing Yixing in a not so friendlike way. So yeah he's a needy mess right now.

"Please Xing, we don't have to do that but please something.”

"Shh, okay baby lay down for me”.

Yixing slides his hands under Chanyeol's shirt telling Chanyeol to lift up so he could take it off . Chanyeol started to blush, Yixing had seen him shirtless and through the years definitely naked. But Chanyeol wasn't confident. In the spotlight yes definitely, you had to be no one wanted to deal with an insecure idol. He's been put in a lot of situations that made him uncomfortable but that's a part of the lifestyle he chose for himself. But behind the spotlight the real Chanyeol wasn't, the real Chanyeol was self-conscious as fuck. He never really knew what he had going for himself. He was brought out of his thoughts when he felt Lay touch his body.

”Your so beautiful, my beautiful baby.”

Leaning down to kiss Chanyeol's body, and Chanyeol mentally praises himself for working out and getting abs in the process. His hand makes its way to Chanyeol's chest and pinches his nipple, rolling the nub in between his fingers. Chanyeol trembled at the sensation. Yixing lowered his mouth and sucked lightly.

Chanyeol lift's his hips up, trying to press his cock against Yixing’s own in search for some kind of friction. Yixing gives him what he wants and grinds back and fuck Yixing’s hard . Chanyeol grabs Yixing’s face bringing him up for a kiss.

"May I try something?” Yixing whisper's.

Chanyeol groans.

"Do what ever you want". Yixing leans back and reaches down to Chanyeol's boxers sliding them off.

"Open your legs for me baby.”

Chanyeol becomes flustered he's never been this naked and open to anyone. Yixing seemed to sense that he was inexperienced.

He smiles sweetly at him.

“Chanyeol have you ever done this with anyone before?”

Chanyeol hesitates at first but then decides to go with the truth.

"Um, no I've never done this before.” He says nervously, Yixing stares at him as if there's something else he's expecting Chanyeol to say. Yixing opens his mouth and Chanyeol says it before he can ask the burning question.

"I'm a virgin". Yixing frowns.

Here comes the worrying.

"Chanyeol maybe we should do this another time.”

"No, It's okay!" He say’s, voice trembling.

He opens his legs wider.

"Are you sure baby.”

"Yes, please.”

Yixing immediately leans down to give light kisses to his thighs. Dragging his lips and tongue everywhere sucking on Chanyeol's thighs. A gasp escapes Chanyeol, as Yixing starts to suck around Chanyeol's perineum and rim before he let himself dip his tongue past the circle of muscle. His mouth completely covers Chanyeol's hole sucking against his rim harshly.

Chanyeol groans.

"Mmm fuck Xing.”  

  
"Does it feel good?”

Yixing moves his head from in between Chanyeol's legs. “Do you have lube?”

Chanyeol nods his head. 

“Yeah look over there in the drawer”. 

After going to collect the bottle, he wastes no time. He gently presses a finger into Chanyeol's hole. Using the other hand to wrap around Chanyeol's cock. Yixing finally being able to look at Chanyeol, god he was a mess. Body flushed red, hair sticking to his forehead, body arching off the bed countless times, It was a beautiful sight.

Chanyeol reached down towards Yixing’s hand that was wrapped around his cock.

"Xing I'm close.”

Yixing add's another finger to Chanyeol's hole and slides his hand up and down Chanyeol's shaft quicker swiping his thumb over the head . and when he rubs hard over his slit Chanyeol loses it and comes with a high pitched whine. Chanyeol watches Yixing with hooded eyes as he pulls his fingers out. He then leans down to Chanyeol's dick kissing the tip.

"Fuck Xing.”

Yixing lets out a chuckle. 

He then leans forward and brushed his lips against his forehead.

“Are you okay?”

chanyeol nods his head.

“Okay, babe I will be right back.”

Yixing rises from the bed ,and heads towards Chanyeol's bathroom.

He Comes out a couple of minutes later with a warm wet rag and cleans Chanyeol off. He then gathers Chanyeol's clothes, and redressing him.

 

“Thank you.”

Your welcome, um can I ask you something Chanyeol?”

Chanyeol almost laugh's at the question. Sweet Yixing always asking for permission.

Realization hits ,and Chanyeol looks down at Yixing’s boxers tight over his private area. Oh my god Chanyeol is a terrible boyfriend he completely forgot about Yixing.

 Yixing follows Chanyeol’s eyes down also, he catches on quickly.

"I can help you with that.”

"Oh no I'm fine Chanyeol you can help another time okay, I just wanted to know if you enjoyed it.”

Chanyeol moves closer to Yixing who's sitting halfway on the bed.

"Of course I did why would you think otherwise.”

Yixing looks unsure on what to say next.

"I just, that was my first time ever doing that.”

"You did great.”

Yixing signs in relief.

"Okay.”

Lay grabs Chanyeol's phone and looks at the time.

“Well I guess I'll go now we have to be up at 6, I'm sorry for interrupting your sleep time.”

"It's okay your a great interruption, you know you can sleep in here if you want.”

"Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

"Okay just let me go take care of this.”

Yixing gets up and leaves blushing and covering his crotch area.

 Chanyeol went to bed happy that night or I guess you could say morning. Happy, something else foreign to him but not unwanted. Chanyeol has always wanted to be happy who doesn't. Not really knowing where to seek happiness. As if it was something you could really seek. It would be nice if you could find it in a store.But you can't buy happiness either. So that's why Chanyeol just left it alone and tried to cope with everything thrown his way. But here Yixing was telling Chanyeol "hey you don't have to go through this alone, I'm here". But did he really want to rely on Yixing for this what If this was just temporary, what if Yixing became tired of Chanyeol and his problems, his not talked about problems that no one would understand even if he did talk about them. Of course, Chanyeol didn't want to jinx it and he'll try to push all those negative thoughts to the back of his head. 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking about adding another couple to the mix . If so who ? I'm open to idea's !


	8. Heart Attack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aigo this took forever ! I hope you enjoy.

     

The next day, Chanyeol wakes up to someone running their fingers through his hair .

"Good morning.”

Yixing smiles so brightly in the morning. It's early and the sun is already shining through the window, but it illuminates Yixing face so beautifully that Chanyeol can't complain. Chanyeol knows how he looks in the morning, he looks terrible when just waking up, terrible enough that he definitely doesn't want Yixing to see him right now. But Yixing, Yixing deserves plenty of compliments right now. So he gives him one, one because Chanyeol has never really givin anyone compliments and he’s definitely never considered himself to be flirtatious in any way. Always hoping that his charm was enough to be considered as flirting.

"You're very handsome.”

Yixing continues to smile.

"Ah is this how you talk to people when you've just woken up?"

"No, I don't talk to anyone when I’ve just waken up but you're here and I think you look very handsome right now.”

Yixing smiles at that, then leans down to kiss Chanyeol but Chanyeol covers his mouth, which forces Yixing to kiss his hand.

“I haven't brushed my teeth.”

Yixing laughs at that.

 "Ah Chanyeol I don't care.”

He moves Chanyeol's hand away ,and kisses him.

"You need to be getting ready it's 6:45 and we have to leave at 7:00.”

"Aish why didn't tell me sooner!”

"You're adorable when sleeping.”

 

*Later That Day*

 "So, when are you and Yixing going to do it.”

How do you know we haven't, also where did everyone go.”

After practice, everyone went back to the dorm to sleep, and Chanyeol ended up being the last to wake up from his nap.

"Some left to go get food.”

Chanyeol found it relieving to talk about his and Yixing’s relationship so freely with someone.But currently he's in the living room having a Q&A with Kyungsoo and he would really like to run away, but there's really no escaping Kyungsoo. There suppose to be watching a movie, but somehow Kyungsoo turned it into a questioner.

"I'm 100% sure you guys haven't had sex.”

Chanyeol chokes.

"Well considering your schedule and Yixing’s schedule, and considering each personality Yixing being too nice and clueless to even initiate such a thing and you're a walking disaster, so clumsy and -.”

"Okay, you can stop thank you Soo you really know how to boost someone's self-confidence. I have you know we haven't had sex but-.”

“But you guys did do something?"

"I don't know if you deserve to know since you were just bashing us a second ago.”

Kyungsoo just sits and stares, he's not even going to beg or at least pretend like he really wants to know.

"You could at least indulge, humor me just once.”

"I don't feel the need to entertain you Chanyeol, so much entertain's you already.”

"Fine we did some stuff.” Wow Chanyeol feels like such teenager right now. 

"Did you enjoy it?”

Chanyeol starts to blush.

"Yes.”

Kyungsoo starts laughing.

"Wow you should see yourself right now. Virgin Chanyeol is so cute.

Kyungsoo smirks.

Did you let Yixing do all the work?”

“Regrettably.”

Kyungsoo raises his hand, and that's Chanyeol's cue to move away.

"Why do you always feel the need to hit me.”

Because you always feel the need to be an idiot, even when I'm not around I can sense you being an idiot somewhere.”

"Well it's not my fault I tried but he didn't want me to.”

"What the hell that's the perfect time to do it you should've insisted, you know you have to be forceful with Yixing sometimes.”

"Well, I'm sorry I'm not like you, being forceful isn't my thing.”

“Clearly! Hmm I didn't take you for the submissive type but I've been wrong before.”

“Would you date someone in the group?”

"I would never date anyone in EXO.”

"Why not?”

Because I don't want to mix business with pleasure.”

Chanyeol laughs at that.

“Is this really a business, by now it feels like life, our life.”

“My point is we work together, I consider you to be family. But this is also my career.”

"I think that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me, are you feeling okay". Kyungsoo raises his hand. "You know this is considered abuse Kyungsoo.” 

Chanyeol hears a door shut which is bad very bad because Kyungsoo’s claimed that everyone left earlier to go get food. "Did you hear that.”

"Yes, I did.”

"I thought you said we were the only ones here.”

 "Correction I said some left to go get food not everyone".

Chanyeol looks at him in disbelief.

"Kyungsoo!”

Baekhyun walks out, of course, it's Baekhyun out of all people.

They stare at Baekhyun as if he's a ticking time bomb.

"Why are you guys staring at me?”

 "Did you hear anything?”

"Hear what?”

Chanyeol smiles "Nothing!”

Baekhyun continues on with the conversation as he walks into the kitchen.

"Did I hear that you let Yixing rim you.” 

Chanyeol definitely wants to die now.

Kyungsoo speaks up,"Apparently other stuff too.” 

"Are you guys really discussing this right now I didn’t say anything about Yixing rimming me, kill me now Kyungsoo!”

“You are such a drama queen, but if you give me a reason I will consider it.”

Baekhyun turns back and leans on the counter smiling.

"Come on Chanyeol, you guys were talking loud.”

"No we weren't.”

"Okay maybe not, maybe I'm nosy who know's. You know I'm really upset you didn't tell me that you and Yixing are dating.”

"Well Baekhyun your not the quietest person.”

“Should I be offended? Are you saying that I Baekhyun isn't trustworthy that I can't keep a secret.”

“Baekhyun I don't want anyone to know about this.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

Finally, when everyone gets back, Chanyeol makes it his first priority to speak with Yixing. He then decides against it once he see's his pained face. Everyone goes to sit down in the living room and Chanyeol discreetly pulls Yixing off to the side.

"Are you okay?”

Yixing gives him a pained smile.

"Yeah I'm fine I'm just still a little sore from practice.”

"Would you like to go lay down in my room?”

He nods his head. 

When they enter Chanyeol's room Yixing immediately lays down on his bed. Face down, Chanyeol sits beside him and starts to massage his sides.

"Has your waist been bothering you lately?”

"Yes but, not really until today.” Yixing mumbles.

Chanyeol frown's.

"Why didn't you ever say anything?”

"I don't know, I didn't feel it was important enough to worry you about it.”

Chanyeol moves his hands down to his waist adding light pressure, too afraid to hurt him.

He tugs on Yixing’s shirt.

"Can I take this off?”

"Yeah.”

He lifts up a little and Chanyeol pulls his shirt off laying it to the side.

 Chanyeol leans down and gives his body light kisses; feeling Yixing tense up.

"Relax babe.” He says in a soft tone.

"I'm sorry.”

"You don't have to apologize.”

He pats his back lightly.

"turn over.”

Yixing turns over slowly, and Chanyeol's fingers can't help but to immediately touch his ab covered stomach. He finally leans down to Yixing who has his eyes closed. Kissing his neck and then making his way up to his kiss his lips deeply.

"Please don't ever worry about something not being important enough to tell me.”

Chanyeol pulls back and crawls between his legs. Reaching forward to unbutton his jeans. Which makes Yixing look up.

"Chanyeol what are you doing.”

"Shh, nothing just relax.”

"Chanyeol the others are here, and awake.”

Chanyeol smirks. "Then I guess you'll have to be extra quiet.”

Chanyeol continues to take off his jeans, then his boxers quickly.

"Wow.”

Yixing looks up quickly ,and starts to blush.

"What's wrong?”

"Oh, nothing your just big.”

Yixing covers his face in embarrassment.

Chanyeol reaches forward and brings Yixing hand back down.

"Touch yourself.”

 "What?”

I want you to touch yourself, how you would if I wasn't here, how you do when your alone.”

"Do you have lube.”

Chanyeol nods his head, and quickly gets off the bed reaching into his bedside table. He hands the bottle to Yixing, Yixing squeezes some out onto his hand then wraps his hand around his cock. his eyes slide closed as he pumps himself .

It doesn’t take long before Yixing’s fully hard. His breath starting to hitch. Chanyeol watches taking in Yixing’s flushed cheeks. His hand starts to speed up along his cock.

Chanyeol reaches forward putting his hand over Yixing’s.

"May I?”

 Yixing opens his eyes and nods letting go of cock. Chanyeol wraps his hand around the base and gives an experimental tug, unsure on how to do this.

"Chanyeol babe you know you don't have to do this right?"

Chanyeol shakes his head quickly in disagreement. 

"I want to; I love you.”

Yixing smiles.

Chanyeol doesn't know why he had to confess that right now, not really a confession because Lay already knew this. "I know , I love you too". Yixing says with a shaky voice , Chanyeol not realizing that his hand had been tugging slowly on his cock the whole time. Chanyeol continues to slide his hand up and down his shaft, then swipes his thumb over the head spreading the precum collecting there, making Yixing moan.

Chanyeol's strokes start to pick up speed, watching Yixing’s naked body arch off the bed. Which makes Chanyeol smirk seeing Yixing like this makes him more confident in doing this , being able to pleasure Yixing.

"Aaah Chanyeol.”

“Yixing remember the others are home".

Yixing shakes his head and drapes his arm over mouth to muffle his moans. Chanyeol curses at himself for doing this while the others are home ,because he wants to hear Yixing’s moans , he wants to hear Yixing moan his name . Chanyeol leans in over Yixing to whisper in his ear.

"You look so beautiful like this".

He could see that Yixing was close.

"Are you going to come for me?”

Yixing lets out a whimper ,and all it takes is for Chanyeol to rub his thumb hard over his slit and Yixing comes with a whine that would've been high pitched if his arm wasn't muffling the sound. Chanyeol immediately turns his head to kiss Yixing whose arms are wrapped around his neck trying to bring their bodies closer. Yixing disconnects their lips.

 "Your not hard?”

It’s ridiculous that after all of this Chanyeol is still able to blush from Yixing’s words.

"Yeah I already did that.”

"You've already?"

”Yeah I did it while helping you. You looked hot so it wasn't difficult".

Yixing smirks.

"Hmm, well thank you.”

After they managed to take a shower together without any funny business Yixing’s orders. They got dressed in their night clothes ,and was now laying comfortably in Chanyeol's bed. Somehow Chanyeol ended up being the little spoon and Yixing the big. Which didn't make sense in Chanyeol's head. Yixing’s arms wrapped around his waist securely. Yixing’s mouth is on the back of Chanyeol's neck leaving light kisses there.

"How are you feeling these days?"

"What do you mean?”

"Chanyeol babe it's a simple question, how are you doing?"

Chanyeol almost forgot that his feelings existed. He's been trying so hard to ignore his dark thoughts. He forgot that, not long ago Yixing and him had a conversation similar to this that didn't end too well. Ended in Yixing kissing him regrettably.

"I'm not going anywhere Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol wonders what he did to deserve someone like Yixing. Yixing is so observant; he read's him so well. Chanyeol believes that sometimes Yixing he knows him better then he knows himself.

"I'm sorry that I did that to you , but it wasn't you it was truly me. I was confused and frustrated with my feelings for you. I didn't look at them as a positive thing at the time. But now I'm confident in my feelings , I'm happy that I've developed these feelings for you.”

Yixing pokes his face , which makes Chanyeol turn over to face him.

"I'm not going anywhere.”

"Why do you care.”

"Because I love you and it's my job as your friend and lover to make sure your okay.”

Chanyeol nods his head understanding , he already knew Yixing was going to say something like this ,but he wanted to hear it come out of his mouth. Sometimes Chanyeol really needs reassurance.

"I'm not sure how I feel . I have you and that makes me happy so I could say I'm “happy” but I there is things that I need to deal with outside of you. You love me and you care about me and that makes me feel ”loved”. So I could say I feel “loved”.

Chanyeol could see the tears beginning to well in Yixing’s eyes.

"I'm sorry.”

That's all he could think of saying because he really is sorry and the last thing he wanted was for Yixing to be upset.

 Yixing grabs his face.

 "No no don't apologize baby, it's not your fault. I just , I want you to be happy. I will do anything to make you happy.”

I don't want to drag you into my-“

"Your not , and maybe I want to be dragged into your everything , everything that's dealing with you I want to know, your not a burden Chanyeol. Do you understand?".

"Okay.”

Yixinh smiles "Okay, lets go to sleep.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I think I'm going to be wrapping this story up in the next chapter.


	9. You & I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You’d think as long as it took me to update, that this would be a great chapter. Nope I’m still crusty , please enjoy though. 
> 
> Comments are always welcomed! :) <3

 

Do you think it’s possible for a couple’s relationship to stay strong if they spend more time away from each other then together?

Chanyeol has never really considered such a question until Yixing came to him one day needing to talk. I mean if you asked Chanyeol , Their relationship was going great. Besides the fact that only a few people were aware of their relationship. Which meant they had to hide it from everyone else.

One day him and Yixing were laying down together in Chanyeol’s bed reminiscing about their performance at the MAMA Awards, which they had just finished hours ago.

“I didn’t do as well as I should have tonight”.Especially In dancing , I could barely keep up with you guys.”

Yixing continues listening to Chanyeol list off every little mistake he thinks he made tonight. Until Chanyeol stops himself and looks at Lay.

“I’m sorry.”

Yixing just smiles; he does that a lot around Chanyeol.

“Why are you apologizing baby?”

Chanyeol frowns.

“Because I’m doing it again, and you said that you don’t like when I do this.”

Yixing told Chanyeol once that he wished Chanyeol would stop saying such terrible things about himself, he said that it hurts him to see Chanyeol being so hard on himself.

Yixing brings one of his hands up towards Chanyeol’s face to caress him.

“Yeah you are, but you don’t have to apologize, I just wish you wouldn’t feel this way. Because if I’m being honest with you , I think you did wonderful tonight.”

Yixing smirks and leans in closer to him to whisper in his ear.

“I also think you looked hot on that stage.”

Chanyeol gasps “Xing”.

Yixing leans away from him and replies with a innocent “Hmm?”

He then rolls his eyes.

“Okay fine maybe another night?”.

Chanyeol relaxes “Yes please, because I’m exhausted.”

They lie there in silence until Yixing breaks the silence .

  
“Hey babe I have something to tell you.”

Chanyeol’s insecurities immediately starts speaking loud. He wonders if he was wrong in thinking their relationship was going half great, maybe everything hadn’t been going so great. Maybe Yixing  finally realized that he could do better then Chanyeol. But what followed after made him even more worried.

“So you know when I sometimes have to leave for solo projects?”

“Um yeah.”

Chanyeol starts to frown , he hopes Yixing isn’t going to say what he thinks he’s going to say! . Yixing not participating in group activities/promotions because of his solo activities wasn’t anything new to them. But, what was new was the fact that Chanyeol and Yixing are now In a relationship.

“Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol feels like crying right now , he knows what’s going to come out of Yixing’s mouth this talk is all too familiar. Things like this was usually announced in front of all of exo , this felt so much more personal, this was much more heartbreaking.

He feels a hand tugging on him , trying to get his attention.

“Chanyeol babe.

He finally puts his focus on Yixing. Yixing gives him a heartbreaking sweet smile.

“It hurts me just as much to have to say this but, I wanted to tell you first in private before telling the others. I will be leaving soon ,and I’m not sure how long it will be. Currently, it seems like I want be back for next year’s comeback.”

Chanyeol’s eyes widen at that. “What!”

 “I know, but it’ll be over before we know it. We will still talk, we’re still together Chanyeol it’s not like I’m breaking up with you. I still love you ,and I want to be with you.”

Chanyeol doesn’t know what to say this is all too much to take in right now. Was this a mistake , them doing this. Chanyeol is attached , he’s attached to Yixing. Wow this is the first time he’s ever felt like this for someone. Chanyeol hasn’t thought , hasn’t prepared himself mentally for a time like this; for a time when him and Yixing are away from each other.

“Chanyeol do you still love me?   Do you still want to be with me?”

Without needing to think , Chanyeol immediately nods his head.

“Yes , of course I do.”

“Then everything is going to be fine right? As long as we love each other ,and still want to be together then everything will be alright. I love you baby, I love you so much.”

 

Chanyeol tried to be understanding. But, now that it’s really hit him , his feelings are not so understanding. He wants Yixing back , he wants to see him , to touch him , to kiss him , he wants him back. He rarely gets to talk to him. Maybe a couple times a week on the phone messages that consisted of :good morning , I love you , how’s your day going? , and good night. Their schedules keep them so busy; Yixing’s definitely more than his. Their relationship is starting to feel a little too platonic for Chanyeol. Its almost like their just friends , just group members.

 

  
“So how long are you going to sulk about Yixing’s absence?”

Chanyeol groans.

“Baekhyun I have no idea what your talking about.”

He should’ve seen this coming.

“Oh, so your need to always isolate yourself when we have free time instead of hanging out with the rest of the group is nothing? Your lack of smiling and laughing is nothing; hm I guess I must be just seeing things then.”

Ugh why is Baekhyun doing this, why does everyone feel the need to point out his change in behavior. He was already constantly being watched by the fans anytime he wasn’t behind closed doors , and now that he is behind closed doors , he has to worry about his members!

“Do I not have the right to not be happy all the time!”

“That’s not the issue , the issue is that this is not the first time Yixing has left, but somehow you forgot the show must go on!”

“What the fuck are you talking about Baekhyun, I know we have to continue doing things if Yixing is here are not. However, that doesn’t change the fact that this is the first time we are away from each other being in a relationship! I’m sorry that I’m not dealing with this in the best of ways, I’m sorry that I’m always such a burden, I’m sorry Baekhyun.”

Chanyeol doesn’t even realize he’s crying until Baekhyun sits down beside him and wipes a fallen tear with his thumb.

Baekhyun frowns.

“Aww Chanyeol honey I didn’t come in here to upset you I was just teasing, I didn’t know how serious it was. I’m sorry for being so inconsiderate of your feelings, wow I feel so shitty right now. Chanyeol your not a burden, why would you even think that!”

“I don’t know Baekhyun , I just feel so pressured to be better , like I have so much prove.”

What the hell are you talking about? you don’t need to prove anything your talent speaks enough for you. It speaks so loud, your so fucking multitalented Chanyeol I don’t ever want to hear you say anything like this ever again! If I have to tell you everyday how important you are to this group, how important you are to me, how your not a burden I’ll do it.”

Chanyeol snorts, its just so funny to see Baekhyun being so serious.

“Your joking right?”

“Nope.”

Baekhyun hugs him and then rises from his bed.

“Okay, now I’m going to leave before this gets even more emotional and I start crying. Chanyeol if you ever need anything just tell me , your not bothering me.”

He then smiles and exits Chanyeol’s room.

Wow what a mess, Chanyeol feels like a complete mess. Why was it so hard for him to be more positive, worry less, and be more confident. If he could just be better in those 3 departments ,his life would be so much better. He doesn’t understand why he’s like this , when did he become like this? So unhappy , never pleased with himself. Worst of all he’s carrying these problems into relationships , into his relationship With Yixing. Maybe he isn’t ready for something like this; maybe he needs to work on himself first . It doesn’t matter that every time he’s with Yixing he feels like he can breathe that he can be happy . Because Yixing deserves so much more then this, then him. He loves Yixing enough to let him go , just to see him happy he would let him go.

 

 


	10. First Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m such a drama queen! Lol I hope you enjoy.

 

If your familiar with a pattern, then shouldn’t you be able to maybe have control over that pattern? No that sounds too simple. Although, Chanyeol is very familiar with his own pattern of thoughts. He unfortunately has no control of over them. He just continues to allow his thoughts to ruin everything.

“I think we should break up”

Chanyeol currently feels like complete shit. He tried , he really did. However, the more time that he and Yixing spent away from each other the more it became harder to have a relationship like theirs. Yixing is happy; that’s not the problem . Chanyeol loves Yixing he wants him to be happy. The issue was that Yixing seemed happier without him. Chanyeol know’s it’s not healthy to view his boyfriend through the media but, he missed Yixing . It felt like he just didn’t know what was going on with Yixing anymore. Therefore, staying up to date with news outlets ,and Yixing’s not so frequent post on social media was the only way he felt close to him. (Is this considered stalking?) Anyways, the more he sees Yixing being successful , and the more he sees him smiling , and now them talking less, all of it together somehow caused Chanyeol to feel like maybe Yixing is so much better without him. In China Yixing can focus on himself , and the things he’s passionate about. It’s not that Yixing did anything to make him think this way. Chanyeol knows it would be better if he just tells Yixing  how much he misses him , but he doesn’t want to be a bother or to make things stressful for Yixing; who is already so busy. It’s probably just his insecurities , and his need to constantly overthink things. It’s just he feels like he has nothing to give to Yixing , nothing positive to add to Yixing life. What Yixing gives him is amazing , Yixing gives Chanyeol so much, he gives Chanyeol his all , he supports him so much but, what is Chanyeol giving him? What? something else to add to his list of worries , a lover that he always has to reassure. Yixing deserves to be with someone that will not drag him down.

  
Today, Chanyeol will finally tell Yixing. Chanyeol is pretty sure that if Kyungsoo was aware of the situation he would hit him, and give him a lecture on how he needs to stop being an idiot. Which is why Chanyeol hasn’t told Kyungsoo or anyone else who knows about they’re relationship. He needed to figure this out himself; he needed to decide this on his own. He will be video chatting with Yixing soon. It was a miracle they were both given a break at the same time like this. Chanyeol doesn’t know how to feel right now , his emotions are every where ;bad emotions he would like to add. Because he’s about to make the hardest decision he’s ever made. After about 5 minutes he finally hears a sound coming from his computer notifying him of a incoming call. He takes a deep breath to try to calm his nerves. He then answers, and waits for the video to adjust. Once he sees Yixing face he becomes dumbstruck. It was him, it was really him. Yixing gives a huge smile.

“Hi Babe!”

Chanyeol smiles back , and responds back with a “Hi.”

“God I miss you so much Yeol.”

“ I miss you too Xing, how are you doing?”

“I’m great, I miss you of course but besides that things are going great! I’m really getting a lot done. Done successfully.”

Chanyeol smiles; at Yixing’s enthusiasm.

“That’s good Xing! I’m so happy to hear that.”

“What about you baby, how are you? I know you guys have been busy.”

Okay so Chanyeol has two choices right now, he can either tell him how he’s really doing or he can suck it and lie. Lying will avoid worrying ,and he does not want Yixing to worry.

“You know nothing that we can’t handle, don’t worry everything is going great!”

He ends it with a smile to make it more believable.

Yixing frowns.

Damn well at least he tried “Xing it’s really nothing, everything is going great.”

Yixing gives him that ‘I call bullshit look.’

“It doesn’t seem like it’s nothing how about I ask again, and you tell me the truth this time.”

Chanyeol groans.

“How are you doing babe?”.

“I’m doing great”.

Yixing looks frustrated now.

“Why are you not being honest with me.”

“I am being honest, what would make you think otherwise.”

“Chanyeol your words didn’t event match your face. I’ve known you for years now I know when something is bothering you , also what kind of boyfriend would I be to not notice”.

Finally fed up Chanyeol just says it.

“I think maybe we should break up”.

Yixing immediately shuts his eyes, as if he just experienced something painful.

He then proceeds to open them, and this breaks Chanyeol’s heart. He’s never seen such sad eyes from Yixing. These eyes were different from the sympathetic ones Chanyeol is more familiar with receiving . He usually receives those eyes from Lay when he’s being hard on himself. These eyes were different though , these eyes are hurt, these eyes are heartbroken.

“Why?”

“Because I need to make this decision while your still you.” 

He frowned “I don’t understand babe”.

“Lay while your still you, while your still happy”.

“But, I’m happy with you Chanyeol. I love you , and I want to be with you.” 

“You could be so much happier without me. I don’t want to hold you down Xing , please just accept this.”

  
Yixing’s eyes widened at his words. “How can I accept this? Why would I accept this!”

“Because I’m doing this for you ,and-“

“Your not doing this for me! Your doing this for yourself, your making this decision for yourself Chanyeol. Your not a selfish person , this isn’t like you. It’s obvious that your scared.”

Chanyeol was definitely afraid , he was terrified of the feelings he had for Yixing. Chanyeol would risk his life for Yixing. Of course he would do the same for any of his band members , but it wasn’t just about risking his life for a band member , for a friend , it was about risking your life for someone you love , someone you couldn’t live without. The day he realized he couldn’t live without him, was the day that he became scared. Because he knew he wasn’t going to be able to come back from this. He was in love; and he was scared.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave comments :)


	11. Not An Update (Rant)

I’m sorry that this is not a update, I just really needed to rant somewhere.

I’m really trying to be the type of person that doesn’t need others to increase their mood. You know that type of person that doesn’t need a significant other, that doesn’t need affection from others to feel better about life. Well, it’s actually not working and without going into too much detail because no one wants to read all of that to sum it up I really need (want) someone.

I feel so weak for saying that. I am lonely, and I’ve lost someone. No not recently, but it still feels like it just happened yesterday. This person filled many spots in my life , and I just don’t know how to be happy without that person. 

Anyways I will hopefully be updating soon.

Thank you.


	12. Making Hard Decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back , and I changed the title of the story lol.

 

“Chanyeol sweetie, just talk to me. Can we please just talk, don’t decide this on your own.” Lay says, begging.

 

Chanyeol eyes begin to well up, because all of this is just starting to become too much.

 

“What if I changed, what if I turned out to be everything you said I wasn’t. Maybe I am selfish; maybe this is what I want.”

 

“Are you sure this is what you want? Chanyeol we’ve known each other for practically all of our life. Which means I know when your hurting, I know when your words aren’t reflecting how you really feel. I know that right now your speaking out of fear, and I just want to let you know that I’m too in love with you to just give up on you, on us.”

 

Oh, he’s in love with him. How can someone like Yixing be in love with someone like Chanyeol, flawed Chanyeol. Yixing’s confession makes this much more difficult for Chanyeol.

 

“Your in love with me?”

 

Yixing lets out a laugh. Like Chanyeol just asked the most ridiculous question. “Why do you sound so shocked? I thought this was obvious. I clearly need to do a better job at showing how I feel.”

 

“No it’s not that..... I just don’t understand how someone like you can be in love with someone like me.”

 

“You know it’s not hard tofall in love with you. Your so beautiful Chanyeol , everything about you is beautiful to me. Your smile ,your laugh, and your selflessness.You are always putting others before yourself. You know what really gets me though? is your passion for music, I love watching you in the studio working on music , I love watching you be so confident in something I know you love very much. Would you like to know something else? I love when you fall to the ground after finding something funny because you just can’t contain yourself. Last but not least I love that you trust me; you trust me so much Chan . So please continue to trust me , and believe me when I say that I’m in love with you , that I’m not going any where no matter how much you push me away no matter how much you think I’m better off without you. Because where I want to be is with you. So baby if this is what you really want if this relationship makes you unhappy then I will respect your decision baby because all I want is for you to be happy.

 

Before Chanyeol can say anything a voice coming from Yixing’s side of the screen interrupts their conversation. “Hey Yixingare you ready to start rehearsal?”

 

Yixing gives Chanyeol an apologetic look.

 

Chanyeol smiles, “It’s okay Xing, I understand.” This was a terrible idea to have a conversation like this via video chatting.

 

“Yes just give me a few minutes please.” Yixing replies and then looks back at the screen. “Honey can you promise me that you’ll think over it, and you’ll talk to me when your ready?”

 

“Okay.”

 

Yixing frowns.

 

“Will you be okay? You know if you need me you can call babe. It doesn’t have to be about this conversation until your ready, but if you need me for anything call me okay. I love you.”

 

“I love you too Xing.”

 

 

Why didn’t anyone tell Chanyeol that it would be this hard. Why didn’t anyone tell him that love hurts, that love came with pain like a package deal. Except this wasn’t a good deal , and Chanyeol wasn’t actually dealing with this very well at all ;he sucks at this. When he was a teenager being in a relationship was advertised so well he was kind of envious of others who were in a relationship. Turns out he wasn’t missing out on much. Chanyeol discovered some weakness within himself while dating Yixing. Flaws that he was only okay with showing around Yixing, because Yixing embraced his flaws like they were strengths but now that Yixing has went away , now that Chanyeol has seen how much better Yixing is without him, how much he shines without him. It’s clear that he needs Yixing more than Yixing needs him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry that it’s kind of short babes.


End file.
